Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young
preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit, “Brothers
and sisters, if there are any among you who have sinned and
are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your
mouf!”
=============
Most people assume WWJD is for “What would Jesus do?”. But the
initials really have been changed to stand for “What would Jesus
drive?”.
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth
because the Bible says, “God drove Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden in a Fury”.
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo.
The passage urges the Jesus to “pursue your enemies with your
Tempest and terrify them with your Storm”.
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses’ followers
are warned not to go up a mountain “until the Ram’s horn sounds
a long blast”.
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t like to
talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John’s gospel
where Christ tells the crowd, “For I did not speak of my own
Accord…”
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced
by a Bible passage declaring that “the roar of Moses’ Triumph
is heard in the hills”.
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler:
“Joshua’s Triumph was heard throughout the land”. And,
following Jesus’ lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda…
“The Apostles were in one Accord”.
===============
The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in
one of their top spy hunters.
The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is
Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve
located him, tell him the code words, ‘The weather forecast
calls for mist in the morning.’ If it’s really him, he’ll
answer, ‘Yes, and for mist at noon as well.’”
