What is small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish! How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch! What vegetable might you find in your basement? Cellar-y! What is green and goes to a summer camp? A Brussels’ scout. Why did the Tomato go out with a prune! Because he couldn’t find a …
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One day, a fellow complained to his friend. “My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend offered, “Don’t do that! There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose …
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Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren’t here right now but if… Matt: Steve, what are you doing? Steve: I’m leaving a phone message since we aren’t here. Matt: But you left the last one — it’s my turn. Steve: No, I’m sure it’s my turn. Matt: No, you’re incorrect. It’s definitely my turn. Steve: You …
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Unless you are an etymologist, reading the Bible is useless and a waste of time. Who knows what words meant 2000 years ago? Words evolve just as human kind does. (Ancient Hebrew had no vowels; they were added later, Greek too evolved over the years. Why is it that the bible is devoid of humor? …
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7:30 am Wakeup and lie awake in Bed 7:31am Realize you spent $18 on last night’s dinner, means no eating out for the next 6 weeks 7:45am Ready to go to school, will shave tommorrow, will eat early brunch at (Denny’s /Penny’s /Lenny’s /Dinko’s whatever cafeteria). 8:03am Arrive at school Realize King Kong Pong (chinese …
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A couple astrologer friends and my parents and my sister and I were sitting around one night, under the influence of really good coffee and even better chocolate cheesecake, and we made up the following: How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes a hell of a …
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One day a blonde walked in a gun shop and bought a gun just in case case her husband attempts to cheat on her. A month goes past and when she arrives from work she finds her husband with another women having s##ual intercourse. The blonde puts the the gun to her own head ”Dont …
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1. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ? … Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow-job. 2. What do you call a female clown ? … A Clunt 3. What is the difference between a nigger and a tyre ? … Tyres don’t sing when you put chains on …
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Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair? A: Because when the dragged them by the feet, they filled up with dirt. Q: What do 40 battered women have in common ? A: They don’t listen. Q. How come no one ever came up with any jokes about the Jonestown incident? A. The …
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A married couple are in a terrible accident and the woman’s face is severely burned. The doctor tells the husband that they can’t graft any skin from her body, as she is too skinny. The husband heroically offers to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that is suitable …
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