What is small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish! How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch! What vegetable might you find in your basement? Cellar-y! What is green and goes to a summer camp? A Brussels’ scout. Why did the Tomato go out with a prune! Because he couldn’t find a …
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Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pumps of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The …
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I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday and thought, Another year older, but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast, my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say “Happy Birthday, dear”. All smiles, I …
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Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair? A: Because when the dragged them by the feet, they filled up with dirt. Q: What do 40 battered women have in common ? A: They don’t listen. Q. How come no one ever came up with any jokes about the Jonestown incident? A. The …
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A husband and wife decided they needed to use “a code” to indicate that they wanted to have s#x without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word “typewriter.” One day the husband tells his fiveyear- old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.” The child tells …
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Q: How many valley girls does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to open the diet Pepsi, the 2nd to call daddy. Q. How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two. But they have to be very, VERY, small! Q. How many people from California …
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Did you hear about the queer burglar? First he blew the safe, then he went down on the elevator. : Question: What did one lesbian ask the other lesbian? Answer: Your face or mine? : Question: What’s the difference between a whale and a lesbian? Answer: About 15 pounds and a flannel shirt! : Question: …
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And now ladies and gentlemen, here’s the event you’ve all been waiting for. You came twice last year like a Sears catalog ‘Cause your last boyfriend makes love like Boss Hogg Well now you’re seeing me but soon I’ll have you seein’ God ‘Cause girl I’ll get you pantin’ like you’re Pavlov’s dog Like a …
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A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver’s window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, “Pull over!” at the top of his lungs. “No!” the blonde …
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Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to replace it and one to tell him it was burned out (in states that still have car-inspection laws.) A: Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isn’t …
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