Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren’t here right now but if… Matt: Steve, what are you doing? Steve: I’m leaving a phone message since we aren’t here. Matt: But you left the last one — it’s my turn. Steve: No, I’m sure it’s my turn. Matt: No, you’re incorrect. It’s definitely my turn. Steve: You …
Tag Archive: jokes
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Bad Case of the Stutters
A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to many doctors over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him “I believe I found the reason for your stuttering”. The man asked, “Wha.. wha.. wha..what is my pro.. pro.. problem.” The doctor replied, “Your penis is …
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Shut up your next
One day a blonde walked in a gun shop and bought a gun just in case case her husband attempts to cheat on her. A month goes past and when she arrives from work she finds her husband with another women having s##ual intercourse. The blonde puts the the gun to her own head ”Dont …
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Types of computer person you may meet:
1. The Software scientist. This is a man who takes a mathematical algorithm, performs a series of transformations on it and ends up with a program in lambda-calculus. This program is _correct_, meaning it will do what it is supposed to. Now all he needs is a lambda-calculus interpreter, a stable operating system, a computer …
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Today funny jokes 26.02
Two men were living on a houseboat. One night, while the men were sleeping, the boat broke loose from its mooring and drifted into the open sea. One of the men got up in the morning before his mate and, going out on deck, noticed there was no land in sight anywhere. Excitedly, he called …
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BRICK LAYERS ACCIDENT REPORT
Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information in block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You stated, in your letter, that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer …
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Animal Jokes 3
Q. Where do they get virgin wool? A. Ugly sheep. Q. What’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you’re eating? A. Finding half a worm. Q. What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender? A. Rhesus Pieces. Q. Why do dogs lick their balls? A. Because they can. …
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TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED…
10. Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk”. 9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial. 8. The cat is on Valium. 7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth. 6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to …
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Kiss, Kiss …
A married couple are in a terrible accident and the woman’s face is severely burned. The doctor tells the husband that they can’t graft any skin from her body, as she is too skinny. The husband heroically offers to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that is suitable …
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Bride
A nervous young bride becomes irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimands him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she shouts, “just as I do at the dinner table.” Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothes his rumpled hair and climbs quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” …
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