Taoism: Shit Happens. Confucianism: Confucius Say, “Shit Happens.” Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit. Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism: This shit happened before. Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. Judaism: Why …
Tag Archive: relationship jokes
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Shut up your next
One day a blonde walked in a gun shop and bought a gun just in case case her husband attempts to cheat on her. A month goes past and when she arrives from work she finds her husband with another women having s##ual intercourse. The blonde puts the the gun to her own head ”Dont …
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Kiss, Kiss …
A married couple are in a terrible accident and the woman’s face is severely burned. The doctor tells the husband that they can’t graft any skin from her body, as she is too skinny. The husband heroically offers to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that is suitable …
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I hate it when you leave
I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go. When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? …. When she starts with “My husband said…” One chicken to an other: are you tokkin’ to me? Man says to his wife : Let me take a …
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Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed …
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Extra Office Work
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, “Is this what I pay you for?” The manager replied: “No, sir, this I do free of charge.”
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0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!” The next morning he got up early and left for work. When …
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IT PAYS TO STUDY
After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud’s trailer house, Bud asked, “What is the usual tip?” “Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.” “Is that so?” snorted Bud. “Well, just to show them …
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English Translations By Gender
Women’s English: Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry We need = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You will pay for this later We need to talk = I want to complain Sure, …
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HOME TRUTHS ON AIR FORCE ONE
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.” Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and …
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